What glam rockers taught me about confidence
So, this week m_stiefvater had a great post about self-confidence that everyone has been talking about. One thing she mentions is that she just decided to develop self-confidence around 19 or 20 or something.

I kind of did the same thing. Not that I threw a magic confidence switch, but here is a portrait of me at 18: long hair, t-shirts and jeans, shy, quiet, unsure of what I wanted from life. I disappeared into the world of my characters because THEY had awesome lives. I mean, except for being blinded, maimed, and losing family members in horrible ways all the time. Plus some torture and accidental time-traveling and...okay, nevermind. Anyway, they were all well-dressed and fascinating with cool hangouts, cool friends, cool hobbies...

It was shortly after this that I discovered this man:



Hell, even if you don't like David Bowie's looks or his music, you have to admit the dude's had an interesting life. Bowie led me to poke into the lives of more rock stars and then other artists, writers, etc. through history who were characters themselves. Like Tasha Tudor, who loved the 1830s and largely recreated an 1830s life for herself.

It was then I realized that some people ARE characters. And they aren't necessarily born into it. They create it. I wondered why I let my characters have all the fun. I always loved playing dress-up with vintage clothes as a child, but I never wore vintage clothes in public because people around here just don't DO that.

I made a vow to myself, to the soundtrack of "Queen Bitch" and "Virginia Plain", that I would not wait for a reason to dress up. I would not wait for other people to do it. I think this was the moment I came into my own as an adult. I owned who I was. It wasn't just about clothes, even if it started there, it was about realizing I don't have to follow the status quo unless I want to. It means if I want to focus on my writing, skip college and be poor, I don't care if you roll your eyes at me. I'm doing what I want to be doing, not what you want me to be doing.

The only hard part of sticking to my own path was the loneliness. But at that retreat in Savannah, I realized, I am a rock star. I was there in the moment I dreamed of--with my fellow rock stars, brilliant funny free-thinking people with artistic passion. And I'm not sure I would have ever gotten there if I hadn't become a rock star long ago, before hardly anyone believed I was one.